Once again, I find myself coming back to the adventures of a dancing fancypants blog absolutely blown away at how much has happened since I last visited this site. It has been quite some time and the changes in my life since my lost posting are absolutely monumental. First and foremost, I am in love, obsessed, overwhelmed with God and what he is doing in my life. I have been a Christian most of my life but I can't say that I always acted like one or even put an ounce of thought in to what that meant. Brooklyn Tabernacle slapped me in the face, gave me a huge wakeup call and caused me to examine my life.
It started simply enough. A friend sent me a message about an audition for dancers at BT. Of course, I was all about it. I went to the audition and by the grace of God, I was chosen to be part of a brand-new ministry. I guess when we started we weren't even technically a ministry group. We were just a bunch of people getting together to dance. We started with rehearsals without much, maybe nothing, on our performance calendar. Ashley Brown, a beautiful, amazing, woman of God, started teaching us choreography to "Oh The Blood". She said she wanted us to have a piece ready when God decided to call us. I can't think of a better place to start than with the blood.
I literally joined BTDance for dance. It wasn't about a growing relationship with God, a strengthened faith or really even about fellowship and new friendships. Well...that's what I thought at least. I mean part of me thought that this MIGHT bring me closer to God, I might make a few new friends and maybe even change my views about dance. I just wanted a chance to move my body through space and have something to put on my resume. It makes me hurt now to write that but it is honest.
Well HALLELUJAH God's plan was different. The first few weeks I went to rehearsal I left feeling absolutely unworthy. For months, God had been convicting me about some things in my life that needed to change. I needed to end some relationships. God kept speaking to me about one relationship in particular but I always managed to ignore it. I remember so vividly one night leaving rehearsal knowing that I had to change my life. I couldn't afford to be in a relationship with a non-believer. I had to stop listening to the enemy telling me I was supposed to be with this person...that I was the one who was supposed to bring him to God. Unless a relationship is bringing me closer to God it is not in His plan for my life and I know that now.
More than changing my life for me though, I wanted to change my life for the women in BTDance I watched them pour their heart and soul out each week. I felt guilty because I knew that they were fully committed and checked in to what God wanted to do with their lives. They were all willing to surrender to His work and His will. I was not. I was placing all my love, energy, spirit in to a relationship that was not increasing my faith or bringing me closer to God. In the end though it all came down to this for me. I DID NOT WANT TO BE THE REASON GOD DIDNT ANOINT THAT MINISTRY. I began feeling so accountable to them. I left that Monday night with the strongest conviction I have ever felt before. I picked up the phone walking out the door and made that awful call. WOW...Wowza. I took a huge leap of faith and God caught me. He not only caught me he picked me up and I have been soaring with him ever sense.
I can say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I have a peace, a joy, a burning love and contentment that I have never experienced before and I know that it is all GOD. The ladies of BTDance have no idea how they have forever changed my life for the better.
For a while, I didn't realize the impact of all of this. I didn't take the time to put all the pieces together..to see how God had orchestrated all of this. I didn't realize that they were the reason I had the courage and the faith to do what I so desperately needed to do. At some point God told me that I needed to stop undermining the work he is doing in my life... and stop undervaluing the testimony he has given me. You see, that is one way Satan will trip you up. He wants to make us believe that what God is doing for us isn't a big deal..that no one wants to hear about it. He totally had me convinced that this story was some weak, measly little uneventful moment in my life that no one would want to hear, care about or be empowered by. But God wants us to open our mouths and speak our about his greatness.
God is so wonderful. God is good yall. He has blessed me so so so so greatly. My daily prayer is a request for boldness and empowerment to speak out about what he is doing for me. Not so that people will look at my life or me but so that they will look at God. My hope is that they will see his glory, his power, his awesomeness.
So in closing I want to say Thank You to the beautiful, blessed, righteous, holy ladies of BTDance. You will never know what your exemplary lives have done for me.
A sidebar- another lesson in all of this is that for a ministry to be effective externally, it must first and foremost be ministering internally. As soon as the message your proclaiming stops witnessing to your own soul you lose your ability to spread the message to others. I pray that God will continually bless us so that we can be a blessing to others. In my next blog I plan to elaborate on what God did with us when He decided to call us to minister.
Thank you God for being so amazing.